Why I Do This Work…
When I look back on my life, I can now say I was a sexual being from a young age. I remember having crushes on boys and girls in elementary school. I remember exploring my body and the pleasures from “down there” around the age of 10. However, I knew, in my household, that this exploration was somehow wrong. I didn’t understand it, but I knew it. My mom caught me masturbating more than a couple of times and she always seemed so angry. When I was 14 or so, the last time I got caught, I remember her yelling at me, “Are you ready to have sex? Do I need to take you to the doctor?” I just remember the shame and the fear. I didn’t want to have sex at that point, masturbating just felt good.
And when I finally did have sex, a year or so later, I was pressured into it by a 19-year-old boy who told me that, ‘If I cared for him, I would do it.’ I felt guilty that I had invited him over. I wanted to explore with him, but I wasn’t really ready to have intercourse. But the guilt overrode all emotions and I had sex with him. That was the last time I ever saw that guy. At 15, I wasn’t prepared to handle the coercion and I definitely wasn’t prepared for the feelings that came with that abandonment. Sure, I was sexual, but truth be told, I would have waited a little longer. And the only person I could share it with, at the time, was my best friend. She had already experienced sex, so I was able to ask her questions. However, she did it with her boyfriend which made our experiences quite different, so I felt super alone.
As I got older, I had to work through those conflicted feelings and emotions. I had to learn how to be a savvy negotiator. I had to learn to see through lies. I had to understand what I wanted and needed. I even tried celibacy for several years…in my twenties. It wasn’t until my 30s, that I felt more secure about sex and who I was sexually. That’s when I realized…it was ok. I was ok. The things I desired were not wrong, sinful or shameful. I moved to Italy, the land of pleasure, and I discovered so much about myself, my body, and the art of sensuality. When I returned to America, I continued my research, attending classes, reading books, looking at porn, interviewing people, and learning as much as I could about sex and sexuality. It was a grand education.
Turns out that education wasn’t just for myself. Friends, family members and even students started coming to me for advice. People would ask me questions about what, where, why, and how. It was an honor that people trusted me with such intimate information. And I realized, the key was that I had no judgements or shame, I was just as curious as them to help find ways to assist in their situations. That’s when my journey in Sex Education began. I wanted to facilitate safe, sex positive conversations that were accessible and easy to navigate (click here for courses that I offer). I also wanted to share what I had learned over the years to help people connect and re-connect to themselves and the people they chose to be intimate with. This is how Eunique Flow was born. The “Eunique” comes from my grandmother’s name, Eunice Mae. It is my tiny way to honor the woman she was in the work I do.
